What I think about when I’m idle and alone:

-What should I do?
-Maybe I should call someone to hang out… who?
-It’s always the same people. Why do I wanna see them anyway?
-Maybe I shouldn’t just socialize to avoid being alone.
-What do I wanna do, then?
-What actually matters?
-People do matter (1)
-But there isn’t anyone I really want to see now.
-I just wanna be around people.
-For what purpose?
-I don’t know.
-What should I do, then?
-Maybe something creative by myself.
-Okay, I can do that. But what is the grand scheme? The point? (2)
-Do all of the activities I can possibly engage in have some coherence?
-Is there any point to any of them, or to them all together?
-Will I always feel this sort of emptiness?
-No activity can possibly encompass my purpose for existing.
-I wonder what this emptiness is…

  • Why am I here?
  • What am I doing?
  • What is worth doing? What matters?
  • Who matters?
  • Am I here to give something? To take something?

    Almaas says meaning in life comes from greater intimacy with one’s true self.

  • How can I become more intimate with myself?
  • Who is my true self?
  • What is she doing right now?
  • How close am I to her?
  • Am I getting any closer?
  • Can I do things to be more intimate with her?

    I stop searching through activities and possible ways to spend my time.
    I am a little less afraid or rushed to do something.
    It doesn’t matter what the time is.
    My mind is poised for careful use.

1. People do matter
-The people that matter to me matter as much as it matters that I’m alive. In fact, through them I become alive. I find meaning.
-Is it wrong that my loved ones fill my life with purpose?

  • The people that do matter I will never lose. This I know for sure. With every ounce of my aliveness. Because the reason they matter is we have met each other at some cosmic level, either by choice or by necessity. And since we have contacted each other at the level of ultimate understanding, there ain’t no gettin’ in the way.
-So, no, I don’t think it’s wrong to find meaning through them. In them, I see the divine.
-How do I decide who matters?
-I am cutting out all those who did not stand the test of time. I am purging. I am getting better at doing this. I am learning to accept that I cannot be close to all people, even if they are nearby.  I think I know love through the people that matter.

2. Is there a point to any activity?
-What is my life’s work?
-Am I on the path, or diverging?
-When I read I gain cognitive understanding.
-When I create I feel joyful and productive.
-When I move I feel alive and vibrant.
-When I meditate I can more easily connect to myself.
-When I uncover the patterns of my physical form I feel the fabric of myself changing; I feel empowered by experiencing myself as the witness to change.
-When I work with people, I feel I am helping.
-When I think about the world, I feel moved to help create change.
-When I am out amongst people, I feel inspired and alive.

Every activity offers a different gift. Is just one of these my grand purpose?

 

A circle of thoughts and some extensions | 2014 | Uncategorized | Comments (0)